At first I thought I was going to start today's blog like " Someone help me, help me because I am drowning in tears and in myself misery". But that is not going to happen. Why? Because my brother Aiden decided not to get the job. I know it doesn't sound good , thing is like I told you my brother would have had to move away from home because the job is far away. Not even lying I believe that him leaving would have led me down a spiral of depression. I don't have friends at school, I mean I do but they are so fake and treat me like I am worthless , I will talk about that later though. As I was saying not having real friends at school sucks , especially since they don't have the same lunch time as I do, and if my brother would have left it would have seriously been horrible for me. Aiden is the only best true friend/brother I have. I noticed why I admire Dean Winchester so much... it is because he would protect and do anything for his little brother Sam. That my friends reminds me of my main hoe, Aiden. I know that my brother would do anything for our family even if he wants us to believe otherwise. Right now Aiden feels relieved, he really didn't want to go either. He was not ready to leave home or me let's be honest. Anyways getting back to what I was saying about friends. Friends ... well they could either make or break your life, LITERALLY !!! Me, my "friends" broke my school life and maybe even a little bit of my inner thoughts. Ever since I could remember which is kindergarten I never really truly had friends. If I did they would just use me, I know how could little kindergarten boys use other boys... well they did. They would make me send messages to girls, ignore me, use me as a cover, get them things, and make me feel worthless most of all made fun of my weight. This girl once told me that I would never get a girlfriend because nobody likes a fat boy. I let that get to me a lot. It was different with me though, instead of me stop eating or doing exercise I would binge eat. In reality I didn't notice that I was bingeing until this year. I saw myself and hated what I saw so I did what I always did I ate. Realizing that I had a problem was hard to admit because I was so stubborn to realize it. Almost all of my family would tell me to take care of myself but that was something that made it worse for me.(I don't go through this alone my brother, Aiden has the same problem, so we help each other out) It was only until I was in sixth grade that I had semi good friends but that eventually went to shit when we entered middle school. The only friend from the 6th grade that remained with me was my friend Maddie... up until 9th grade. Now in 9th grade I had thought I found a friend, his name is Gabe. He is very nice but ever since we got to 10th grade he sometimes ignores me. We don't have classes with each other but that is no reason why he should ignore me. He realizes I'm his friend when he needs to talk to me about his problems. I sometimes... actually all the time I believe that I came into this life for me to be there for people, but no one be there for me when I really need them. In P.E I met friends that I thought would make school better. I was wrong. Their names are Ramon,Cecil,Linden, Enrica and Jack. At first I thought they made it, I mean we even made a group name, Make Me Die( I'll talk about it another time) but Ramon and Cecil are closer than to the rest of us.All they do is ignore us talk about stuff only they Know. Enrica is just starting to make me uncomfortable, I thought she was cool. We all know she is gay and we don't care we support her. The more you talk to her you start to know she is kind of creepy. She sometimes gets to close to your comfort and she sometimes slaps my ass or tries to get close to my guy area. Yeah I know weird right. She sent me her pubes pick on snap chat. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK WHO EVEN WANTS TO SEE THAT NOT ME THAT"S FOR SURE!!! Fake is how I can describe all three of them. Now Linden and Jack are half of fake and real. Linden tells you things with honest opinion, which I am grateful for but he told me I have hobo clothes. SHE BASICALLY CALLED ME HOMELESS! Jack had at first invited me to eat lunch with him since we found out we have the same lunch period. We found out we had all out in common from being shy, fan boys, and being self conscious about ourselves. But like all my friendships before them it was fake and full of hypocrisy. He left me for his sister. He always told me he hates how his sister is with him, but he left me. So that only makes me wonder why. Why do I try so hard to find a best friend, when all my "friends" do is take me for granted. Every movie, show, story, and fan fiction I see or read give me hope. Hope that maybe I will have someone as cool as Charlie from Supernatural as my best friend or Caroline from Vampire Diaries to love me like she loves Stefan. I hate that, I hate that it always gives me hope only to go back to school and for it to be hard for me to talk to anybody or my "friends" to ignore me all the time. I hope with this you all understand how hard it would have been not having Aiden with me at home. Having to come home and see my brother not waiting for me to eat, talk, make jokes,supporting me, and exercise.Not having my brother there for me at home is worse that not having friends at school. Some of you might think that it is unhealthy for me to be depending myself on him, but I'm just not ready for him to leave, because I do need him ... I do. There will be a time where I will not be depending on him but that time will be when we are both ready to leave each other and not need as much of each other as we used to. But that day is not today and when the time comes we will learn from each other and know to live for ourselves. I know for a fact that we would do anything for each other we are hoes and he is after all my Dean to my Sam. Sam and Dean,Damon and Stefan, Aiden and Adam WE ARE HOES UNTIED!!! From a Whole Lot of Little.