Make Me Die

Sorryyyyy!!! I know I have not blogged I've been...busy. But as promised to whoever is
 reading this today I will talk about the Make Me Die group. Now this group consists of
 5 people including me. Cecil, Ramon, Linden, Enrica, Jack, and obviously me Adam.

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I met Linden in the locker room , I remembered I had him for one of my 8th grade 
classes, so I decided to talk to him and sit too.At first we were friendly , we 
wouldn't really be partners though. It was when we started  playing Badminton that
 everything became half a circle. I met Ramon at first we did not know each other
 but would always laugh. He came up to me at our free play and well became close to
 both me and Linden.Now it became a full circle when we met Cecil and Jack. It was
 the best thing that had ever happened to me because that meant I would not have to
 be alone in P.E now. We would tease each other and they even gave me a nickname , Dimples.
 It was fun, I thought I could finally have a group of friends. Then all of a sudden out of 
nowhere another circle popped up and it became somewhat better... or so i thought. Enrica
 came in and with that we made more sexual jokes. They were funny as hell , we were always
 talking about being man strippers.Our grad night was going to be us going to strip club,
 basically a lot of sexual innuendos.
Little by little it started to get weird. Enrica was to touchy with me and Linden. I couldn't
 take it anymore and felt very uncomfortable. Cecil and Ramon were getting to close like being best friends. 
They would leave us out of the conversation, I just didn't feel our chemistry anymore. Cecil moved away , 
which sucks and well Enrica finally got the memo that no one wanted to be friends with her anymore. Lindon ...
 well he is still a rude bitch, I feel like he likes Ramon more than me though. I feel like everyone likes everyone
 more than me. I feel left out and alone. Like I well never find a group where I actually feel fit with.Ramon is a
 bit more quiet always talking about Cecil. Jack is always quiet but he is cool.Image result for alone deviantart

We are actually planning to hang out together on Friday after school. I feel like it
 is going to be weird because we only talk to each other when we are at P.E. I know it
 makes me fake to still hang  out with them even if I don't really want anymore but lost 
is what I feel.The good thing is that I was paired with a guy named Julian in math. Julian
 turned out to be cool. We snapchat each other and now hang out in lunch. He actually makes me 
feel good with myself, but sometimes ignores me.

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Thing is I will not let my hopes get to high with him. He may like me but I 
know something will go wrong. Something always does. Other than that today
 is going to be Supernatural's season 12 finale. AHHHH!!!! Can't wait,
 although I am also scared because it is Supernatural for god sake you 
never know what could happen.

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My Anchor

At first I thought I was going to start today's blog like " Someone help me, help me because I am drowning in tears and in myself misery".
But that is not going to happen. Why? Because my brother Aiden decided not to get the job. I know it doesn't sound good , thing is like I told you 
my brother would have had to move away from home because the job is far away. Not even lying I believe that him leaving would have led me down a spiral 
of depression. I don't have friends at school, I mean I do but they are so fake and treat me like I am worthless , I will talk about that later though.
As I was saying not having real friends at school sucks , especially since they don't have the same lunch time as I do, and if my brother would have left it would
 have seriously been horrible for me. Aiden is the only best true friend/brother I have. I noticed why I admire Dean Winchester so much... it is because he would protect and do 
anything for his little brother Sam. That my friends reminds me of my main hoe, Aiden. I know that my brother would do anything for our family even if he wants us to 
believe otherwise. Right now Aiden feels relieved, he really didn't want to go either. He was not ready to leave home or me let's be honest.
Anyways getting back to what I was saying about friends. Friends ... well they could either make or break your life, LITERALLY !!! Me, my "friends" broke my school life
and maybe even a little bit of my inner thoughts. Ever since I could remember which is kindergarten I never really truly had friends. If I did they would just use me, I know 
how could little kindergarten boys use other boys... well they did. They would make me send messages to girls, ignore me,  use me as a cover, get them things, and make me feel 
worthless most of all made fun of my weight. This girl once told me that I would never get a girlfriend because nobody likes a fat boy. I let that get to me a lot. It was different 
with me though, instead of me stop eating or doing exercise I would binge eat. In reality I didn't notice that I was bingeing until this year. I saw myself and hated what I saw so I did
what I always did I ate. Realizing that I had a problem was hard to admit because I was so stubborn to realize it. Almost all of my family would tell me to take care of myself but that was 
something that made it worse for me.(I don't go through this alone my brother, Aiden has the same problem, so we help each other out) It was only until I was in sixth grade that I had semi good friends but that eventually went to shit when we entered middle school. The only friend from
 the 6th grade that remained with me was my friend Maddie... up until 9th grade. Now in 9th grade I had thought I found a friend, his name is Gabe. He is very nice but ever since we got to 10th 
grade he sometimes ignores me. We don't have classes with each other but that is no reason why he should ignore me. He realizes I'm his friend when he needs to talk to me about his problems. I
sometimes... actually all the time I believe that I came into this life for me to be there for people, but no one be there for me when I really need them. In P.E I met friends that I thought
would make school better. I was wrong. Their names are Ramon,Cecil,Linden, Enrica and Jack. At first I thought they made it, I mean we even made a group name, Make Me Die( I'll talk about it another time)
 but Ramon and Cecil are closer than to the rest of us.All they do is ignore us talk about stuff only they Know. Enrica is just starting to make me uncomfortable, I thought she was cool. We all know 
she is gay and we don't care we support her. The more you talk to her you start to know she is kind of creepy. She sometimes gets to close to your comfort and she sometimes slaps my ass or tries to get 
close to my guy area. Yeah I know weird right. She sent me her pubes pick on snap chat. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK WHO EVEN WANTS TO SEE THAT NOT ME THAT"S FOR SURE!!! Fake is how I can describe all three of
them. Now Linden and Jack are half of fake and real. Linden tells you things with honest opinion, which I am grateful for but he told me I have hobo clothes. SHE BASICALLY CALLED ME HOMELESS! Jack had at 
first invited me to eat lunch with him since we found out we have the same lunch period. We found out we had all out in common from being shy, fan boys, and being self conscious about ourselves. But like
all my friendships before them it was fake and full of hypocrisy. He left me for his sister. He always told me he hates how his sister is with him, but he left me. 

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So that only makes me wonder why. Why do I try so hard to find a best friend, when all my "friends" do is take me for granted. Every movie, show, story, and fan fiction I see or read give me hope. Hope that maybe
I will have someone as cool as Charlie from Supernatural as my best friend or Caroline from Vampire Diaries to love me like she loves Stefan. I hate that, I hate that it always gives me hope only to go back to school
and for it to be hard for me to talk to anybody or my "friends" to ignore me all the time. I hope with this you all understand how hard it would have been not having Aiden with me at home. Having to come home and see my 
brother not waiting for me to eat, talk, make jokes,supporting me, and exercise.Not having my brother there for me at home is worse that not having friends at school. Some of you might think that it is unhealthy for me to
be depending myself on him, but I'm just not ready for him to leave, because I do need him ... I do. There will be a time where I will not be depending on him but that time will be when we are both ready to leave each 
other and not need as much of each other as we used to. But that day is not today and when the time comes we will learn from each other and know to live for ourselves. I know for a fact that we would do anything for each other 
we are hoes and he is after all my Dean to my Sam. Sam and Dean,Damon and Stefan, Aiden and Adam  WE ARE HOES UNTIED!!!


                                             From a Whole Lot of Little.




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Bored with Life


So today I came up with an idea of me getting a blog (well no shit or else I wouldn't be here). Funny thing is that barely last year
I found out that I wanted to be a writer, so I believe that this could help me to write you know.To who ever is reading this I just wanted to 
tell you that I will be writing a story which well be sorta be fiction and other parts will be based on my life. That will be the cool part you will 
basically never know which parts are real and which parts are fake.I hope somewhere throughout your little miserable lives this will help you.
I may blog daily well because I really don't have friends... friends are fake as hell now a days like literally. GUYS OH MY CHUCK !!!!
 ( if you're apart  of the Supernatural Fandom you will understand) My brother finally got a job and I am very excited for him . His job is far so he is
 going to have move with his hoe ass friend but, you know he is like the only one I watch all my shows with. Literally, he lets me rant about them like what
 the hell who's going to react to me reacting to the all the shows now. To tell you guys that I had a freaking break down when we finished watching Sherlock
 season 4 finale. No I was so  overwhelmed by it that it got to the point where I was thinking about my life. Now he won't be here and what well I do. He has been
 my rock since his first year in high school and mine in middle school. Funny thing is that he probably has no idea how much I will miss him. Things without him here 
will be pretty ugly like I'm not even kidding guys. My dad and I always get into fights, now since my main hoe(actually only hoe) will not be here there will be
 more fights than ever with my father. Don't get me wrong I love my dad I do, but he can be a little too much sometimes.I'm not going to lie to you guys me and my brother
 never had a good relationship but we are so close now . Truth is I'm scared I never been alone with my father and little brothers before and seeing how much shit my brother 
got for "not trying" to get a lot of classes in college, looking for jobs, learning to get his driver license, and for also being lazy. Just to let you know he is
like 50% lazy he helps me clean when I ask him.He is the only one that believes in me, I mean come on he is  seriously helping me lose weight.
 Yeah sometimes he can be a little shit for not letting me eat those beautiful candies, bread, and well pretty much greasy foods.
To tell you guys that I was 215 pounds I have gone down to 206 pounds so that is very fucking exciting for me. He made me promise not to stop
exercising and shit which I am intending to keep. Really and I mean really wish me good luck guys. Oh my lordy I forgot the Vampire Diaries
 season finale HOW COULD THEY DO THIS TO ME TO US!!!! What the hell you guys make Stefan get married with my Care Bear only to get him KILLED OFF!! 

Overall I did love how it ended. Just to let you guys know about me I am a fan boy all the way OBVIOUSLY. Show I watch are Pretty Little Liars, Doctor Who, 
Vampire Diaries, The Originals, Supernatural, Sherlock,Series of Unfortunate Events,and Riverdale... well so far.Favorite color blue oh and I'm also a hoe
 all the way (I don't mean it in a bad way).Love to write, sing, and  dream as much as I can. So yeah guys this is all me no fake, snobby,
 fuck boy ... boy I think that's how you say it. Right now I wish to be some where in the Tardis just looking at the beautiful sparkling stars.                   


                                   From a Whole Lot of Little to you.